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Sunday, November 7, 2010

New England Bites Celebrates Breast Cancer Awareness Month (seven days too late)

What a boob! I can’t believe that I neglected to put something up on New England Bites to celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness month. I guess it slipped my mammary. Anyhoo, better seven days late than never, I decided to bake a delicious strawberry cake from Pillsbury topped with frosting bosoms. What better way to celebrate?

Now, since I’m not totally sure of myself in the baking department, Mom decided to help me so that I wouldn’t have to rack my brain on whether it was fully cooked or not. Ingredients include:

THE CAKE: Pillsbury Moist Supreme strawberry cake mix with Pillsbury Creamy Supreme strawberry frosting.

THE MELONS: Betty Crocker petal pink cupcake icing.

THE NIPS: Two Hershey’s Kisses.

STEP ONE: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Prepare the cake pan (in our case, a 13x9” glass dish) by spraying it with a non-stick cooking spray.

STEP TWO: Blend the cake mix with 1/3 cup of oil, a cup of water, and three eggs together in a large bowl using a mixer. Beat the mix on medium for two minutes until all the lumps and bumps are gone. You could also do this by hand, but … why?

STEP THREE: Pour the smooth mix into the greased pan and put it in the oven for 32-36 minutes. We put it in for 35, but when we Mom checked it, she could see that it needed another minute.

STEP FOUR: Frost the cake, but don’t be all rough with it like I was because the top of the cake could crumble apart. Thank God that frosting covers all mistakes. Make sure you get it smooth enough to draw your hooters on.

STEP FIVE: Now, onto the jugs. I couldn’t very well make A-cups because you wouldn’t be able to see them against the frosting. B-cups would still be a little on the small size, and D-cups would be too big for its Hershey’s Kiss protrusions, so I went with C-cups. I formed them using the cupcake icing and a butter knife and then stuck on the chocolate knobs at the very end for the ultimate nip slip.

Mom and I had the breast time baking this cake because, not only are we supporting Breast Cancer Awareness, we are also celebrating Mom’s perfect mammogram. There were no lumps on her tatas - or my cake!  I’m still too young to have a mammogram, and since scanning them on the copy machine at the office doesn’t work, I’m just going to have to wait until I turn 35 to have an x-ray of my very own. I hope I don’t bust with anticipation. Let me get something off my chest: I believe that all boobies – whether they’re attached to 18 or 88 year olds – should be allowed one mammogram per year. What’s with this waiting-until-you’re-35 nonsense? At least no one has to wait for my cake.

THE VERDICT: Double d-licious! The cake was very moist due to the cup of pudding in the mix (thanks Pillsbury). The strawberry frosting titillated our senses and the boobs – well – they just gave the cake an extra lift. The best thing about making this cake is that you can invite your bosom buddy to come over and join in the fun. We are tickled pink to have made this for our fans, and bravo to me for being able to sculpt a pair of knockers out of cupcake icing.

As Mom says: “Don’t be a mess; self-examine your chest!”